01 — Get better acquainted with yourself

Building a strong self-relationship is a great way to return your focus to yourself.

Feeling uncertain about your identity can make it tough to get clarity on what you want from life. Without some familiarity with who you are as a person, you can’t do much to achieve your goals, live according to your values, or get your needs met.

Significant events — breakup, career change, childbirth, personal crisis —can prompt growth and cast a spotlight on ways you’ve already changed. This illumination may call into question things you thought you knew about yourself as new aspects of your identity emerge for the first time.

02 — Make sure you’re seeking what you really want

Most people care about the opinions of their loved ones. Sure, you don’t automatically do everything your family or friends suggest, but you do carefully weigh their guidance when trying to make a decision.

It’s generally helpful to get insight from others, especially for big decisions. Still, it’s important to draw a distinction between finding value in this guidance and letting it sway you from your preferred course. The difference sometimes gets a little blurred, and you may not even realize at first that your dreams are actually someone else’s dreams.

03 — Create a self-care plan

In its most literal sense, focusing on yourself revolves around self-care practices that meet your needs.

Self-care allows you to turn your attention toward yourself in a fundamental way. Everyone has basic needs that play an important part in overall well-being, including sleep, nutrition, physical exercise, and relaxation.

04 — Practice self-compassion

Make no mistake, caring for others is a positive trait. Focusing on your loved ones and offering emotional support when they struggle shows your compassion and strengthens your relationships.

Prosocial behaviour, like practicing kindness toward others, can even help improve well-being by boosting feelings of happiness.

Just don’t forget to treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you offer others.

05 — Spend time doing things you love

People in relationships tend to spend plenty of time with their partners. This might work perfectly well for a while, but lacking time for the things you enjoy can result in your losing touch with those interests over time. This can leave you feeling frustrated, discouraged, and resentful.

Everyone needs time to pursue their own hobbies, and it’s pretty rare two people will want to do exactly the same thing all the time. Even when you’re very close, spending some time on your own and with other loved ones can still improve the health of your relationship.

06 — Avoid the comparison trap

Most people compare themselves to others on occasion. Perhaps you feel a little envious of a particular friend who always seems happy. “If only I had their brains (or partner, or style, or wealth, or anything else), I’d be happy, too,” you think.

But you don’t actually know how they find fulfillment in life. Even if their happiness does stem from the things they have, people are different, and there’s still no guarantee those same possessions will bring you the same joy.

07 — Examine your values

It’s not uncommon to lose sight of your personal values, especially when you find yourself in a rough patch or find yourself single after a long relationship.

Taking some time to reconsider the specific qualities you value most can help you refocus your attention on who you are and who you want to become. If you value community, for example, you might look for ways to share time or resources with your community.

Once you identify your values, you can begin to explore ways to incorporate them into your life in meaningful ways. Some values, such as bravery, optimism, or adventurousness, might come naturally to you.